How to Build Healthy Female Friendship with Other Women

The Gift of True Friendship

So today, I want to talk about the two most beautiful humans I know, my two besties. I’m not even sure if they’re aware I see them this way, but they are literally the best gift 2024 gave me and the most healthy female friendship I have had in years.

For the sake of context, let’s call them Lady A and Lady B. These two women have been my everything, my confidants, my advisors, my biggest cheerleaders. They don’t just cheer for me, they cheer with me, work with me to become a better version of myself, push me beyond my limits, and mention my name in rooms full of opportunities. And best believe, I do the same for them.

I would go to war for these women. That’s how much they’ve inspired and impacted my life. There’s something special about forming deep healthy female friendships in adulthood when your brain is fully developed, and your personality is formed, yet your responsibilities aren’t so overwhelming that life pulls you apart. Unlike childhood friendships, these aren’t built on circumstance (same school, same neighbourhood). They’re intentional, chosen, and nurtured.

But to be honest, I haven’t always had friendships like this. In fact, I’ve seen the ugly side of female relationships. The jealousy, the competition, the envy. I once thought I found a sister in college. For the first two years, I believed we were building something real until I realized she wasn’t the kind of person you’d want in your corner.

So, if you’ve been hurt by female friendships before, I get it. If you’ve struggled to find your people, you’re not alone. But I promise you, when you find women who see you, get you, and celebrate you, your life will never be the same.

So, how do we build these kinds of healthy female friendships? How do we nurture them and keep them healthy? Let’s talk about it.

1. Be Yourself: The Right People Will Love You For It

I used to think I had to adjust myself to fit into certain friendships. Maybe I should talk less or even talk more? Maybe I should be less ambitious so I don’t intimidate them. Maybe I should shrink just a little?

Wrong. The best female friendships are built on authenticity, they will love you for exactly who you are. No filters. No masks. No dimming your light.

Look at Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King, best friends for over four decades. Oprah once said about Gayle, “She’s the friend that makes me feel completely safe to be myself.” That’s the kind of friendship we all deserve.

So, if you’re looking for how to build strong female friendships, show up as you. Because the right friends will embrace you wholeheartedly.

2. Vulnerability is Strength: Let Yourself Be Seen

One of the most powerful moments in my friendships with Lady A and Lady B wasn’t during a fun brunch or a shopping spree. It was during a night when I felt like everything was falling apart.

Instead of pretending I was fine, I let them in. I told them I was struggling, and that I felt lost. And you know what? They showed up. Not just physically, but emotionally.

That’s the thing about strong female friendships, you have to let people see the real you. Your struggles, your fears, your messy moments. Regina King and Gabrielle Union have this kind of bond. Gabrielle once shared, “Regina has this way of holding space for me when I need it most. She sees me, even when I try to hide.”

If you want deep connections, you have to be willing to be vulnerable.

3. Show Up: True Healthy Female Friendship is About the Presence

Friendship isn’t just about sending memes on Instagram or going on a shopping spree together (although, let’s be honest, that’s an important love language too lol). It’s about showing up.

Lady A and Lady B have been there for me in ways that words can’t fully capture. And I make sure to do the same for them. Because in truly healthy friendships, support is mutual.

Think of Melinda Gates and her three best friends. She once said, “These women are my anchor. They keep me steady when life feels overwhelming.” That’s what a strong female friendship looks like, being the anchor for each other.

So, when your friend is going through something, don’t just say, “I’m here if you need me.” Actually be there.

4. Different Friends, Different Dynamics

Not every friend fits the same mold. Some are the “call-me-at-midnight” type, while others are the “let’s-catch-up-once-a-month” kind. Some thrive on playful teasing, while others need deep, heart-to-heart talks.

Understanding how different friendships function is key to making them last. One of my closest friends loves roasting me for my chaotic texting habits, and I love her for it. But another finds that offensive, so I communicate with her differently.

A healthy female friendship thrives when we respect each other’s personalities and love languages. Needless to say, if you crave long-lasting friendship, respect each other’s boundaries.

5. Handle Disagreements With Care

No friendship is perfect. Conflicts will happen. But how you handle them determines whether the relationship survives.

The most admired female friendships have had their own share of disagreements including Oprah and Gayle. But the key difference is in always talking things out. 

“We communicate. No ego, no grudges,” Oprah once said.

Friendship isn’t about never having problems. It’s about resolving them with maturity, respect, and love.

6. Drop the Competition, Pick Up the Celebration

Jealousy has no place in true friendships. If your friend wins, you win.

When Lady A got an opportunity she had been dreaming of, I screamed louder than she did. And when Lady B landed a major deal, we all celebrated. Because that’s what real friends do.

So If ever you catch yourself feeling envious, do well to remember that your friend’s success doesn’t take away from yours. There’s enough room for all of us to shine.

7. Know the Early Signs of a Good Friendship

If you’re wondering whether a new friendship has the potential to be something meaningful, based on my personal observations and research, these signs are what to look out for:

Mutual respect:

No shade, no underhanded compliments, just real appreciation.

Open and honest communication:

You don’t have to filter yourself or overthink your words.

Laughter and ease:

Conversations flow naturally, and even silence feels comfortable.

Support for each other’s goals:

No jealousy, no competition, just pure encouragement.

Trust and reliability:

You know they’ll be there when they say they will.

If your friendship has these traits, hold onto it tight.

Find Your Tribe, Love Them Hard

If you take away anything from this, let it be the knowledge that Women need each other.  We thrive when we lift each other up and most importantly, healthy female friendships can change your life in ways you never imagined.

So, be very intentional about the friendships you build. Choose women who see you, who celebrate you, and who push you to be better. And above all else, be that kind of friend to them, too.

And if you’re still searching for your tribe, don’t lose hope. The right people will come into your life when you’re ready for them. Just make sure that when they do, you hold them close.

Now, over to you, what’s the best lesson you’ve learned about female friendships? Drop it in the comments. Let’s talk