If you’ve ever googled how to gain confidence as a shy person while trying to make yourself appear smaller in a room full of people…
If your heart races just thinking about speaking up in public or even around your friends…
If you’ve rehearsed a simple “hello” or “excuse me” in your head a hundred times before saying it out loud, this post is for you.
I used to be that quiet girl.
The one who smiled a lot, nodded when others spoke, and kept her opinions buried somewhere behind her heartbeat.
I hated how small I felt in public. But more than anything, I hated that I knew I had something to say, yet I just didn’t have the courage to speak up.
But today, I’m happy to say that I’m not that girl anymore. And here, I will be sharing the five things I did to gain confidence as a shy person.
Let’s take the first step together.
1. I stopped rushing when I spoke
This was the first habit I had to break.
When I was nervous, I would talk fast and in a low tone like I was trying to disappear before anyone noticed me. Somehow I thought that if I could just say my piece quickly and inaudibly, no one would have time to judge me.
But unfortunately fast inaudible-talking only gives off the energy that I didn’t believe what I had to say deserves space or anyone’s attention.
So instead of mumbling to myself at a neck breaking speed, I started doing the opposite.
I practiced slowing down and speaking clearly. This guide from Toastmasters really helped me learn how to speak with calm and intention, even when I was nervous.
Now when I speak, I speak with the kind of calm I used to fake.
And because I’ve finally given myself permission to take up space, people listen.
2. I did my version of power poses before stepping out
This might sound funny, but it works.
Before going out everyday, I would stand in front of my mirror, place my hands on my hips, take a few deep breaths and stare myself down literally.
It is not your average power pose, but it does it for me because I believe that my body language does not just communicate with others but to me also.
Standing tall and staring myself down daily always assures me that I have got this while also preparing me for direct eye contact with whatever group I’m going to be addressing.
3. I wore clothes that made me feel good about myself
Not trendy. Not loud. Not what I saw on Instagram.
Just… me.
There’s something powerful about dressing in a way that reflects who you are and not who the world expects you to be that I find exhilarating which led me to start investing in my clothing and I made sure to look as well put-together as possible each time I left the house. Sure enough, I discovered that anytime I dress in clothes that fits well, feels good on my skin, and reflects my personality, I don’t end up second-guessing myself as much.
4. I started speaking up — especially when it felt awkward
This took the most courage for me.
So what I did was to promise myself that I would use my voice, at least once every day, especially if I was feeling uncomfortable.
It didn’t matter if it was just answering a question in a group or asking for what I needed instead of pretending I was fine, I always made sure to speak up.
Granted that every time I did it, my heart pounded. But I survived it and I felt stronger.
I also learnt that confidence doesn’t come before but after and that I don’t become confident and then speak, I have to speak up scared first then confidence slowly shows up after.
5. Rather than searching for additional ways on how to gain confidence as a shy person, I stopped apologizing for existing
I didn’t even realize how often I apologized for simply being present.
How I was always shrinking, always softening myself to make others comfortable until I caught myself mid-sentence doing it.
From that day I said no more. I decided to replace my endless “Sorries” with “Thank you” or even say nothing at all. And I made a conscious decision to always own my space unapologetically.
You either listen or you don’t, but I was done apologizing.
So if your heart still races in public, if your voice trembles when you speak, or if you are out here desperately pouring over posts on how to gain confidence as a shy person, please know that you are not broken.
You are simply learning how to come home to yourself.
And you should remember that confidence is not loud nor is it perfect.
But it’s quiet, steady, and earned one small brave moment at a time.
You are allowed to speak.
You are allowed to be seen.
You are allowed to take up space.
You are not “too much.” You’re not “too quiet.”
You are becoming. And you’re doing it beautifully.
